WEBVTT

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My two youngest are

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two boys, ages five and three.

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The boys are very competitive

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with each other.

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The older of the two

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is more of the aggressor in competition.

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Wants to be first, wants to be the best.

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I have four kids,

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all boys, and my oldest is six,

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I have twins that are three,

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and a ten month old baby.

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I think at this point right now

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it's just really who is getting

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Mom and Dad's attention?

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Who is using a specific toy

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and how they go about getting that toy?

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It can look like, you know,

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jumping to be, almost like the idea of

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jumping to be first in line.

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He always has to have the biggest,

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have the first, be the quickest,

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you know, do the best

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at anything that they are doing.

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He wants to do everything

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that his older brother does.

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He's certainly less aggressive,

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but he's still trying his hardest to be first.

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The older ones are very competitive.

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The little ones are now,

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especially, you know, the five year old,

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old watching his older

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brothers has learned

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that in sibling relationship

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you are competitive.

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And helping him understand

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how might he feel when you do this?

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How do I respond

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when there’s competitiveness?

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Probably mostly ignoring.

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I don't try to stop them

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from being competitive with each other,

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as long as it's not harmful

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to either of them.

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I think sometimes

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I'll have an emotional response myself

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about sibling rivalry,

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where I tell them

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to try and work it out on their own,

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or send them to figure it out themselves,

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or even engage

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in, like, yelling back,

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or at least like a heightened tone.

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And that tends

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to make everybody emotional.

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If I do anything different

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in the competitive moments

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versus the argument moments,

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it might be just working on increasing

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perspective skills

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like varying perspectives.

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Just because you run

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faster than your brother, well cool,

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like, you're also older than him.

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And how can we encourage him too,

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instead of putting him down

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that he's not as fast?

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We all have strengths in different areas.

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Sibling rivalry is a common

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occurrence in families,

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and we tend to see it

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peaking in childhood.

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Parents often

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see their children's

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jealousy and bickering

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as they compete with one another.

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But sibling rivalry is normal

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and can be healthy as children

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develop their own identities.

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Sometimes, though,

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things can escalate and include

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aggressive behaviors,

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leaving one or both children

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angry and upset.

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Sometimes it can be constant

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or one child

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seems particularly rivalrous.

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Parents are often frustrated

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by their children's rivalry.

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In some cases,

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it may just seem

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endless, and parents

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may be at a loss

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about how to help their children

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be kinder to one another.

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At SAARA,

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we have developed two science-based

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and easily read resource guides

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to help parents of young children manage

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their children's rivalries, conflicts,

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and aggressive behaviors.

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These guides give practical tips to help

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children get along,

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solve their conflicts,

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and develop

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a lifelong positive relationship.

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All of the information in the guides

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is backed up by up-to-date

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research and parenting experts,

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and they're available to

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you as a free download.