WEBVTT 00:00:05.338 --> 00:00:06.881 My two youngest are 00:00:06.881 --> 00:00:09.884 two boys, ages five and three. 00:00:09.884 --> 00:00:10.927 The three year old will bite 00:00:10.927 --> 00:00:11.594 the five year old 00:00:11.594 --> 00:00:14.014 and there is some hitting, 00:00:14.014 --> 00:00:15.849 some, some pushing. 00:00:15.849 --> 00:00:19.352 They tend to yell at each other. 00:00:19.352 --> 00:00:21.563 I have four kids, all boys, 00:00:21.563 --> 00:00:23.690 and my oldest is six. 00:00:23.690 --> 00:00:25.150 I have twins that are three 00:00:25.150 --> 00:00:26.901 and a ten month old baby. 00:00:26.901 --> 00:00:27.902 A lot of times 00:00:27.902 --> 00:00:30.113 the disagreements can look like 00:00:30.113 --> 00:00:31.865 wanting the same thing. 00:00:31.865 --> 00:00:34.117 The oldest wanting to get his way 00:00:34.117 --> 00:00:35.493 and the youngest 00:00:35.493 --> 00:00:37.746 trying to figure out how to get his way. 00:00:37.746 --> 00:00:39.414 A conflict that has recently 00:00:39.414 --> 00:00:41.291 happened in our house 00:00:41.291 --> 00:00:42.709 is always over 00:00:42.709 --> 00:00:44.711 who gets to pick the TV show. 00:00:44.711 --> 00:00:46.296 And it just 00:00:46.296 --> 00:00:47.672 immediately goes to yelling 00:00:47.672 --> 00:00:50.508 and just yell back and forth to each other 00:00:50.508 --> 00:00:52.135 trying to feel heard and trying 00:00:52.135 --> 00:00:53.344 to get their point across 00:00:53.344 --> 00:00:56.181 until one of us has to step in. 00:00:56.181 --> 00:00:57.640 They can sometimes turn to, like, 00:00:57.640 --> 00:00:58.933 you know, actually 00:00:58.933 --> 00:01:00.101 physically punching each other 00:01:00.101 --> 00:01:02.937 or slapping or pinching or biting. 00:01:02.937 --> 00:01:03.938 The little one will sometimes 00:01:03.938 --> 00:01:05.482 bite his older brother. 00:01:05.482 --> 00:01:07.817 That action is corrected. 00:01:07.817 --> 00:01:08.568 At that age, 00:01:08.568 --> 00:01:09.903 they're not thinking about 00:01:09.903 --> 00:01:11.446 other people necessarily 00:01:11.446 --> 00:01:13.114 and the impact that their behaviors 00:01:13.114 --> 00:01:14.074 can have on them. 00:01:14.074 --> 00:01:16.701 So working on teaching those skills 00:01:16.701 --> 00:01:19.370 to them with a lot of modeling. 00:01:19.370 --> 00:01:20.914 And I always try to remember 00:01:20.914 --> 00:01:24.459 to thank them for whatever it is 00:01:24.459 --> 00:01:25.376 that they've done 00:01:25.376 --> 00:01:27.045 that might be in alignment 00:01:27.045 --> 00:01:28.713 with that prosocial behavior 00:01:28.713 --> 00:01:29.964 we're trying to teach. 00:01:29.964 --> 00:01:31.007 I think sometimes 00:01:31.007 --> 00:01:34.928 I'll have an emotional response myself 00:01:34.928 --> 00:01:37.347 about conflict of siblings, 00:01:37.347 --> 00:01:39.182 where I tell them 00:01:39.182 --> 00:01:41.434 to try and work it out on their own, 00:01:41.434 --> 00:01:44.979 or send them to figure it out themselves 00:01:44.979 --> 00:01:48.316 or even engage in, like, yelling back, 00:01:48.316 --> 00:01:50.401 or at least, like, a heightened tone. 00:01:50.401 --> 00:01:52.195 And that tends 00:01:52.195 --> 00:01:53.655 to make everybody emotional 00:01:53.655 --> 00:01:56.825 in that situation and trying to send, 00:01:56.825 --> 00:01:57.951 you know, two three year olds 00:01:57.951 --> 00:02:00.036 to solve a problem on their own, 00:02:00.036 --> 00:02:01.788 it's just not effective. 00:02:01.788 --> 00:02:04.082 Yelling, it's sort of, 00:02:04.082 --> 00:02:05.250 you know, it's the tactic 00:02:05.250 --> 00:02:06.960 that was used when I was a kid with me. 00:02:06.960 --> 00:02:09.170 It almost never gets the desired result 00:02:09.170 --> 00:02:10.505 and it just doesn't feel good. 00:02:10.505 --> 00:02:12.465 I find when I start yelling, 00:02:12.465 --> 00:02:14.300 they keep yelling even more. 00:02:14.300 --> 00:02:17.053 They always have to have the last word. 00:02:17.053 --> 00:02:19.139 So that's one. 00:02:19.139 --> 00:02:21.182 Again, on the better days 00:02:21.182 --> 00:02:22.183 I can remember this, 00:02:22.183 --> 00:02:23.810 but we all have those moments 00:02:23.810 --> 00:02:25.061 where we're human 00:02:25.061 --> 00:02:27.105 and it doesn't always get remembered. 00:02:27.105 --> 00:02:28.648 You know, oftentimes as adults, 00:02:28.648 --> 00:02:29.983 we come to our little people 00:02:29.983 --> 00:02:31.067 and it's like, 00:02:31.067 --> 00:02:32.944 oh, you should have this skill 00:02:32.944 --> 00:02:35.238 when in real, the grand scheme of things, 00:02:35.238 --> 00:02:37.157 they don't have these skills. 00:02:37.157 --> 00:02:39.826 So it is a skill that needs to be taught 00:02:39.826 --> 00:02:41.369 at their little ages 00:02:41.369 --> 00:02:43.621 between zero and seven anyways. 00:02:47.584 --> 00:02:50.170 Sibling fighting happens in all families. 00:02:50.170 --> 00:02:51.921 Frequently, young children's fights 00:02:51.921 --> 00:02:52.839 with their siblings 00:02:52.839 --> 00:02:54.799 include yelling and hitting. 00:02:54.799 --> 00:02:56.593 This is because children at these 00:02:56.593 --> 00:02:58.761 young ages are still developing skills 00:02:58.761 --> 00:03:00.263 to communicate effectively 00:03:00.263 --> 00:03:01.848 and manage their anger 00:03:01.848 --> 00:03:04.142 and frustration during disagreements. 00:03:04.142 --> 00:03:06.102 At these moments, parents may struggle 00:03:06.102 --> 00:03:08.062 with how to help their children get along 00:03:08.062 --> 00:03:10.023 or parents may feel what they've tried 00:03:10.023 --> 00:03:11.983 just doesn't seem to be working. 00:03:11.983 --> 00:03:13.443 Parents can support their children 00:03:13.443 --> 00:03:15.111 in learning how to manage their feelings 00:03:15.111 --> 00:03:18.031 and de-escalate and solve conflicts with others. 00:03:18.031 --> 00:03:19.532 Addressing sibling conflicts 00:03:19.532 --> 00:03:20.533 when children are young 00:03:20.533 --> 00:03:22.660 helps them build social and emotional skills 00:03:22.660 --> 00:03:23.870 that they can use with others, 00:03:23.870 --> 00:03:25.163 like their friends, 00:03:25.163 --> 00:03:26.539 and this will also strengthen 00:03:26.539 --> 00:03:27.916 their relationship with their brother 00:03:27.916 --> 00:03:30.460 or sister and lessen conflicts, 00:03:30.460 --> 00:03:33.129 creating a calmer family environment. 00:03:33.129 --> 00:03:33.713 At SAARA, 00:03:33.713 --> 00:03:35.757 we have developed two science-based 00:03:35.757 --> 00:03:37.342 and easily read resource guides 00:03:37.342 --> 00:03:39.552 to help parents of young children manage 00:03:39.552 --> 00:03:41.638 their children's rivalries, conflicts, 00:03:41.638 --> 00:03:43.306 and aggressive behaviors. 00:03:43.306 --> 00:03:45.099 These guides give practical 00:03:45.099 --> 00:03:46.851 tips to help children get along, 00:03:46.851 --> 00:03:48.436 solve their conflicts, and develop 00:03:48.436 --> 00:03:50.855 a lifelong positive relationship. 00:03:50.855 --> 00:03:52.523 All of the information in the guides 00:03:52.523 --> 00:03:53.942 is backed up by up-to-date 00:03:53.942 --> 00:03:56.069 research and parenting experts, 00:03:56.069 --> 00:03:57.362 and they're available to 00:03:57.362 --> 00:03:58.947 you as a free download.